Monday, January 24, 2005

I've got a bit of a cold today, probably a combination of the weather and weekend activities :-( As the article that Marta got in today is supposed to be the "worst day of the year". I think my worst day came two days earlier on Saturday, mostly due to a combination of a nasty hangover, consoling friends with serious relationship problems and alot on my mind of my own. It wasn't so bad though since it was sandwhiched in the midddle of a great Friday and Sunday night, none the less I woke up today and desided to compilate a "sad" music CD for the day. Sometimes you just gotta do it.

Heartache is killer. It's one of those totally irrational feelings which is totally consuming and gives you the feeling of no hope. Dealing with heartbreak, is tough. Advice to that effect, is basically like trying to cure someone of stagefrieght by telling them to relax and that it won't be that bad, completely useless while you're going through it, and totally obvious after you're over it. Basically there's a process that you go through, hopefully knowing and accepting that you'll go through one or all of these steps and that there eventually IS light at the end of the tunnel can hopefully give you some little bit of hope... well usually it doesn't but anyway:

1. Disbelief - When you don't really believe it's over, maybe it was just a temporary break-up (like some times before maybe?). At this stage you just keep acting like everything's the same and make small attempts to resume the relationship as per status quo... you are wrong.

2. Desperation - This is when you realize that the normal process after a bad fight is not working to bring the relationship back together. You realize that this time might be for good and you're desperate to stop that from happening. You'll be very emotional, be clingy to the other person and try in vain to monopolize the other person's attention and time. The harder you try, the worse it gets and the farther away they drift. Guil and self destruction are typical tools you'll use in this stage in pursuit of your goal of reunification... they won't work and will help expediate the breakup actually.

3. Anger - You start to realize that you have no control over what's happening and this makes you angry, specifically at the other person. This is where you turn into a monster, saying anything and doing anything you possibly can to hurt the other person that at one time you loved wholeheartingly. Dep down you want that other person to feel the pain you're feeling and they're going to be the outlet to do so. Interestingly even in this stage you still desire the attention of the other person, even if it's just to punish them some more. Demanding for sentimental or valueable gifts to be returned, namecalling and trying to get common friends to unite against you are typical tactics in this stage... you will regret most of them in time (wow I've had some doozies from back in the day from this catagory!).

4. False Completion - This is where you act (and sometimes actually believe) that you are over the other person. Usually this results in a "rebound" relationship or sometimes can lead to destructive behaviour. Progression from this step can lead to a bounce back to steps 1-4 or as a stepping stone to the final step:

5. Acceptance - You finally accept that the relationship is over in the form that it was. Perhaps you can move on a friends (rare) or perhaps not (most likely) but at least you can now move on. It doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt sometimes, or that you don't think of that person, but it does mean that when you think of that person it's going to be majoritarily (that's not a word!) about the good memories.

I could expand more but I think I'll leave it at that for now. There's many good resources online, including here and here, which basically promote non-destructive behaviour, talking and time. In my experience talking about it with a close friend can be good but is usually overdone and eventually prolongs the agony and pushes your friends to the point of wanting to hear about anything but your breakup. Time is really the only cure, and in fact it probably isn't a "cure" per se but just something that can help the symptoms of heartache.

As you can see experiencing and dealing with these feelings are a part of the process, after all we're only human. This brings me back to my sad CD I made today, below are some of the songs I put on it with some of the key lyrics that have impact, most of these you won't know unless you've spent time in North America but get on your fav P2P utility and pick these up, this January 24th "Misery Day" Mix is for you!:

Switchfoot - I Dare You To Move
"Welcome to the fallout Welcome to resistence
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here "

Seether ft. Amy Lee - Broken
"‘Cause I’m broken
when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I
am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken
when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right
when you’re gone away"

Sum 41 - Pieces
"I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I’d thought it’d be easy
But no on believes meI
meant all the things that I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own"

Finger Eleven - Thousand Mile Wish
"So we stay until the ground
That we can't come down from splits us away
Maybe stars know why we fall
I just wish they were thinking out loud
Oh, I could wish all night"

Treble Charger - Red
"Saw you looking for a light
face painted cigarette white
you asked the cleanest boy you found
you couldnt see me turned around
his fingers stretched across your empty gaze
but I just cant escape"

Radiohead - Thinking About You
"Been thinking about you,
and there's no rest
Shit, I still love you,
still see you in bed
But I'm playing with myself,
and what do you care
When the other men are far, far better"

Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
(basically ANY Radiohead song could be in the sad catagory basically, but these two hold significate weight in my book)
"She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My Fake Plastic Love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And It Wears Me Out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out."

Bangles - Eternal Flame
(this one always touches a soft spot)
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame? "

Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares To You
"It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me
Guess what he told meHe said girl u better try to have fun
No matter what you'll doBut he's a fool
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you"

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
"The world was on fire
No one could save me but you.
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that
I'd lose somebody like you "


Well these next songs aren't necessarily sad but they're currently high on my "cool" list ;-)

Juli - Perfekt Welle (well you knew THIS one was going to be on here!)
"Mit jeder Welle kam ein Traum,
Traume gehen voruber,
dein Brett ist Verstaubt,
deine Zweifel schaumen uber,
hast dien Leben lang gewrtat,
hast gehofft, dass es sie gibt,
hast den Glauben fast verloren,
hast dish nicht vom Fleck bewegt."

The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends
"A long time ago
We used to be friends
But I haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again
A greeting I send to you
Short and sweet
to the soul I intend"

Dizzee Rascal - Dreams
" like the talky talky happy talk,
Talk about things you like to do,
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream,
How you gunna have a dream come true"


Ok Class time, I'm going to post the pics from my hike last week that I never got to later...
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